Monday, March 13, 2017

Better Living through Chemistry

It's weird for it not to be weird, not to drink. Started taking Naltrexone the Thursday before last, and since then I've not only not drank any alcohol but I've not even craved it; I'm gradually startting to think about it less, too. No need for me to ponder at never having heard of it all those times in and out of treatment — I doubt a third of the counselors and case workers and acupuncturists etc. would do well in food service lol. It's a major relief, actually, because when I initially planned on quitting on Ash Wednesday I was worried about how I'd manage; I despise 12-step programs and meetings, also the heavily New Age-influenced counseling and relapse prevention...both of which saturate the whole treatment and recovery industry. It really is an industry.

This is Phase Two, of I guess what can be called Project: Corwin Getting His Shit Together. This is the physical health one, where I quit drinking, then quit smoking cigarettes (or at least temporarily switch to vaping), then start to exercise and improve my diet. Phase One was getting and keeping the job, which aside from one fit I threw whilst severly injured and due to the damn spray gun exploding into catastrophic uselessness I've done beyond spectacularly; in fact, I'd be cooking right now were it not for the injury (well, one of them). Phase Three is something I haven't quite solidified in my mind yet, but I vaguely describe as “getting a life”, as in a life enriched by edifying people and activities.

“Getting a life”, at least a social life, will prove to be daunting. Alas, aside from when I was in college for a few years, most of my adult social orientation and skills have been informed by alcohol and drug abuse, couch crashing and loading overpass trolling, jail and treatment war story circles and chess clubs...and, well, you get the idea. Letting me into your home would be much like letting in a cat off the street, a charming — if rogueish and skittish — fellow that once was a household cat but has since then gone through some serious shit. As for the hobbies and activities, I already have a community garden plot waiting for me, and since I earn money now I can do things like buy board games or a Dremel or even stuff to make soap with — the most difficult part will me getting off my ass, which will become easy as I grow increasingly restless and bored from no longer sousing myself with bad company.

Speaking of money: it's CRAZY how much I spent on booze! I probably averaged $7.50 to $8.00 a day, which averaged out adds up to over $230 a month. Visualizing how much paté and brie that can put into my face fills me with revulsion at the bilge water I wasted that money on. That's why I cavalierly dismissed my Moon Goddess's objections to me spending money on our (awesome!) Mexican lunch last week: it was paid for by three days of not quaffing crap. I could probably benefit from quitting smoking weed, too, but I only spend $40 to $45 a month on that stuff; it's the difference between a cheap DVD player and a cheap bike. Besides, eventually I'll probably go medical and CBD, and just recreationally ingest THC every so often on special occasions. Regardless, no longer drinking is a also financial boon.

No comments:

Post a Comment